No Excuses . . .

I haven't posted since Louisville, maybe because not too much exciting has happened. So instead of going over the past 2-3 months. .. here is what has been on my mind over the past 2-3 weeks.

I am sure we all go through a time, spell, period, where we lose motivation. . .well, I have hit that point somewhat over the past couple of weeks. I know, I know. . .no excuses. . .but I think the past year of swimming, riding and running 9 days a week has finally caught up with me. To make things a little worse, I have Ironman Coeur D'Alene (IMCDA) coming up in June and 30 weeks till race day was 2 days ago. I have actually found myself saying . . "what if"

What if, I cancelled my registration from IMCDA, what if I just focused on a Half Ironman, what if I didn't do any races in 2010 and just ran/biked/swam when I felt like it?

I will admit that having a1 year old (well on 12-12 he will be 1) changes my perspective on a lot of things. . .mainly, what is all of this Triathlon stuff for? What is the real motivation behind me doing all of this?

I can say that in 2005, when I started to train for Triathlon, the main focus was just to be in shape. From there it evolved into a challenge to see if I could complete a Half Ironman, which I did in September of 2005 and then basically took a year and a half off while signing up in June 2006 for IMCDA in 2007. IMCDA in 2007 was one of the best experiences of my life. Even though I had a major mechanical on the bike I still loved every minute of that race. 2008 IMCDA was more of a, "ok, let's see what I can do without problems race". I had a nearly perfect race and posted a time that I didn't think I was actually capable of. 2008 was a somewhat of a breakthrough year. . .and helped to motivate me for a great 2009 season. Which leads me to December of 2009 and me asking myself. . "now what?".

Triathlon gets expensive, while I have all of the equipment that I need, there is race fees, travel costs, basic maintenance costs that add up to replace tires, tubes, nutrition, etc. . . In the end, it gets expensive. It is also time consuming, especially Ironman and while Amy has been very supportive over the years, things do change. Priorities change, focus change and in the end lifestyles change. The term "Baby changes everything" is true. .. no doubt about that. But it is the best change to have ever happened to me and our family. I am truly blessed and I know this. I have had the change to accomplish what less than 5% (I think I just made up that stat) of the population has achieved in doing and Ironman, I have a beautiful wife and baby boy, and two smelly dogs. What more could one possibly want?

So where does this self-pity, self-evaluation and lack of motivation leave me? Not sure. . but wanted to get it out there. I know, suck it up and get back in the saddle, on the road, or in the pool. . . Don't worry, I will and I will be fine.. but maybe this is the beginning of end? or the Beginning of something not defined. . either way, I have way more than what I deserve.